Roses, Rhubarb, and Pearls

Have you ever wondered................???

Lately, I have been wondering where I am personally and how I got here???  I know probably no else has ever been in this place, in their life, but I thought I would ask anyway :). 
These are my wonderings lately:

• Did you ever have a passion and then it just fizzled?
• Do you wonder where your kids were raised (because they don't act anything like you ;)?
• Why you all of a sudden let small things paralyze you?
• Could this REALLY be the onset of menopause (getting close to 50, you know)??
• How do I feel spiritually drier then I was 25 years ago????

Well, the past 9 days have been quite the soul searching experience for me! My husband is on an international trip. So when I am left to my own thoughts, WATCH OUT!! It can either be good or not sooo good.  Let’s just say the first couple days were NOT sooo good.

Everything in my mind became amplified!! That is putting it mildly?? My son's health is in need of supervision. My daughter is fretting over money for college.  My dad is in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's.  My mom is way more of an anxious Nelly than I am??? Blah, Blah, Blah……..

What I have come to find out, is that that word anxiety, is just a nice word for FEAR.  I mean come on I have never really been a fearful person.  I use to like change and excitement, be fun loving and free.   So how did this thing called "fear" creep into my life.  I will tell you how.   Little by little, and I let it in.!?! Can you believe that?  I can't!  I always thought of myself to be a “diligent” prayer warrior and always on the lookout for things that try to sidetrack me? 

Guess what?  I have news for you.  All it takes is a tiny, tiny little crack for something to get in when you least expect it. The sad part is, is that I isolated myself from the people that could have supported me, because I thought they would feel I was “weak”?? How ridiculous is that? However, I believe we all do it. (I could be wrong though).  ;)

The small crack I am talking about is........ That I let that small phrase "what if" enter my mind?? Now it is only two tiny words, but they can pack a powerful punch, let me tell you.  It can make you start to doubt everything.  Once the doubt starts, unless you catch it, can take on a "whole" life of its own.

 For instance:

"What if I am not good enough for that job?"
"What if  no one reads my blogs?"
"What if someone criticizes me?"
"What if I fail at ..............???

Do you see where I am coming from??? Oh how I have let these thought so bombard me that I came to the point of wondering, "Why am I here?" 

Well, I had an epiphany this morning!  I am here because God created me in my mothers' womb. He has great plans in store for me! I just need to get past the "what if'" in life and GO FOR IT!!!

So if there is anyone else out there that has ever felt or is feeling this way?  There are great things for you to do in this life. Don't be intimidated! Don't let fear paralyze you! Get up and walk, take back your ground and defend it!! We are more than conquerors!!

Feel free to leave an encouraging comment for me and others :)

Have a Blessed day,

 Chrissy